Love comes in many forms: love for family, friends, pets, places, passion, and romance. Regardless of what shape and form it happens, it is either you have it, or you don’t. That was my take on love.

But recently, I realized that I was looking at love in a wrong way. It is a part of the act, not a feeling that exists in you. Love is like taking care of a garden. If you don’t nourish it and remove unwanted weeds, it will gradually deteriorate. It takes effort for its upkeep.

Some people say that love is an art. It is an art that involves a reciprocal process of respect and responsibility to whom you love through the creative way to care genuinely and sincerely. Still, I have a lot to learn in this area.

I have been grateful for many of my friends rallying around me during my tribulation period. But a couple of friends who were truly dear to me did not come through for me. I tried to focus on the kind support of my friends, but I cannot ignore the resentment toward them forming inside me.

There are some tips to deal with resentment.

Some say that I should focus on the good things about the person to whom I feel resentment. I should not expect how they behave toward you. I should be grateful for what I have. I understand these points, but it’s easier said than done.

What works for me is to be grateful and happy with what I have. I empathize with what I can do for my friends rather than what they can do for me. That thought empowers me to be a better person for my friends. Learn to let go of the resentment..

I had lunch with one of my friends whom I have not seen for a year. We have known each other for over a decade since our kids were in elementary school. We got along very well through our kids’ sports activities. But we both had to focus on our career for the last few years and we seldom saw each other except for celebrating each other’s birthday.

Lately, I feel melancholy and reminiscent of those days when we were all busy raising our children. Naturally, I reached out to her for a casual get together for all time’s sake.

It was a joyous afternoon together to catch up with her. We talked about everything like family, career, health, and friendship. We reminisced our fond memories and happy holiday gatherings together. When was the last time I felt so warm inside? While all the things are going on in my life, it was a kind reminder for me to remember the happy memories and positive feelings associated with them. Learn to embrace joyous times in our lives. That is the best defense when facing adversity.

When I went through my difficult time recently, all my friends rallied around me to assuage my sorrow. Under some circumstances, I have not been able to keep in touch with them always, but they all came out to cheer me up when I needed their support. I am eternally grateful for their friendship.

So, why do we sometimes neglect our friendship? We have been busy at work, study, and family life. We have many excuses not to reach out to our friends unless there are some catastrophic events in life. My recent life-alerting event was a wake-up call for me to reevaluate my priorities in life and hearten myself the importance of friendship to me.

As Clarence the Angel says in my all-time favorite movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life”,

No man is a failure who has friends.

Once I was told that I am not a good conversationalist over the phone. I have a “get to the point” communication style, and it gets worse over the phone. Sometimes even talking to my dear friends, deep down, I am trying to say the points and end the call as soon as possible.

During our team meetings, when my coworkers are explaining things that we already know, I am patiently listening to them but questioning myself why people cannot cut the chase and get to the point.

Just I got off the phone call with my significant person in my life, and I realized that I rushed the conversation again. Why did I not give him enough time to talk about his day as if I already know what he is going to say? I need to listen to what other people have to say. I need to set aside my ego and self-righteous attitude at bay and listen to the people. Listen to the people with sincerity.

Perhaps due to my stable, stern outlook on life, my friends consider me as a pillar among our friends’ circle. To fulfill such expectations in me, I strive to hide my shyness and insecurity from everyone, exuding a positive, radiant personality. Since I have been this way for many years, the facade has become more of a true me. So I thought until my core strength was on trial during the recent event. I felt that I could conquer and overcome anything. But the reality was that I was crumbling facing the sadness, loss, hatred, and remorse – a parade of all sorts of negative feelings.

Amid all the emotional commotion, my friends came to the rescue. Each one in her different way told me to lean on her. I was hesitated but knew that I had to go out of the abyss. I took my friends’ helping hands. Their collective kindness has been a salvation for me; all of them rallied around me to assuage my sorrow. I could have never made it through the ordeal without them.

So, learn to lean on. There is no shame for it. I am sure that there will be plenty of chances to let your friends lean on you.