I was told a story about communication from a well-known communication coach once. He was at an airport waiting for his plane. He bought himself a magazine and a bag of cookies at the stand and sat down in his chair and started to read the magazine. Then he noticed that a lady sitting next to him was eating his cookies! He glared at her, but she just smiled at him. He said to himself, “How dare to eat my cookies!”. Before he had a chance to say something to her, he had to get going to catch his plane. When he got on board, then he noticed that he had an unopened bag of cookies in his bag.
He used this episode to teach us that the real, effective communication is to render you to have the correct perception/understanding of a situation. In this situation, he was not able to grasp the situation correctly and accused the woman of stealing his cookies. But the truth was that it was not his cookies: it was hers. He said that it was his fault not to understand the situation.
When I heard this story, I did not fully agree with what he said. It’s two to tango in communications. Is it just his fault that he did not get it right?
Then the other day, I felt something different about effective communications and what the communication coach was saying. I borrowed a few inspirational books from my friend. She must have read the books a few years ago, but there were underlines and marks. I was stunned to find out her inner thoughts through her notes on the book margins. She seemed to be very content and calm, but she had a burning desire to be better, happier, and successful in her life. I have been talking to this person for many years. How come I did not catch this side of hers?
If the goal of communication is to truly understand each other in contact, then it can be my privilege and obligation to reach out to the person to understand his/her undercurrent viewpoints and what they really think.
To be a good communicator, you need to be patient and compassion and willing to spend some time to get to know the person. More to learn…
Learn to Live 